


Targets Without A Badge (Part Two)

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29782773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Starsky and Hutch resign from the force and as civilians, become embroiled in a case involving protected witnesses.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Targets Without A Badge (Part Two)


    TARGETS WITHOUT A BADGE (Part Two)
    
    Season 4, Episode 19
    
    Original Airdate: March 11, 1979
    
    Teleplay by: Joe Reb Moffly
    Story by: Jeffrey Bloom and Steven Nalevansky
    Story Editor: Rick Edelstein
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: Earl Bellamy
    
    Summary: Starsky and Hutch resign from the force and as civilians, become embroiled in a case involving protected witnesses.  
    
    Cast: 

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Ken Kercheval ... Deputy D.A. Clayburn

Robert Tessier ... Soldier

Lee Bryant ... Karen

Troas Hayes ... Mardean Rigger

Angus Duncan ... FBI Agent Waldheim

Dave Shelley ... Mayor

Richard Herd ... FBI Agent Smithers

Peter MacLean ... Judge Raymond McClellan

Hilarie Thompson ... Laura Anderson (as Hilary Thompson)

Bert Remsen ... Franklin Anderson

Alex Courtney ... (as Alexander Courtney)

William Prince ... James Marshall Gunther

Sandie Newton ... Flower Girl

Barbara Ann Grimes ... Policewoman (as Barbara Ann Walters)

Peter Jason ... Fred Oates

Gino Conforti ... Blaze

Joan Roberts ... Nancy

Charlie Picerni ... Alex (as Charles Picerni)

Chuck Hicks ... Marty

Lonny Stevens ... Reporter

William Vaughn ... Security Guard (as William Vaughan)

LaWanda Page ... Mrs. Swayder (as La Wanda Page)
    
    
    (PART TWO) 
    
    **Exterior - Day - City Street**
    
    HUTCH: Hi. Just in case of showers. It's a nice little car, huh? Call her Belle.
    
    STARSKY: Let's go. We're late.
    
    HUTCH: Wait a sec, wait a sec. You didn't tell me what you think.
    
    STARSKY: I don't know, I can't tell you.
    
    HUTCH: What's that supposed to mean?
    
    STARSKY: Means I'm embarrassed.
    
    HUTCH: Embarrassed about what?
    
    STARSKY: A grown man doesn't drive a car like that. Not a grown man.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky?
    
    STARSKY: Hm?
    
    HUTCH: I wanna tell you something. I am not going in that.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: You heard me.
    
    STARSKY: You care to tell me why?
    
    HUTCH: You don't remember that somebody tried to make us swallow a car for dessert?
    
    STARSKY: I remember the occasion. So what?
    
    HUTCH: And if you don't succeed at first, you try, you try again.
    
    STARSKY: Well, what does that have to do with my car?
    
    HUTCH: You parked it out here last night, didn't you?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: How long ago?
    
    STARSKY: Twelve hours.
    
    HUTCH: Twelve hours, that's great. All by itself. All alone on this street, huh? Nobody watching. Quiet little street. Dark.
    
    STARSKY: Let me tell you something. I do not intend to go through the rest of my life running away from shadows. You wanna do that, that's your business.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk, Starsk. Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: You know, we're not on the police force anymore. We're not a threat. We just happen to be a couple of law-abiding citizens, minding our own business, looking for a job.
    
    And we happen to be very late for our first interview.
    
    HUTCH: You sure you wanna do that?
    
    STARSKY: Yes, I'm sure.
    
    HUTCH: You sure you don't want me to take just one little peek underneath that hood?
    
    STARSKY: If you don't get in this car right now, after all the things I've said, I'm gonna leave alone.
    
    HUTCH: That's what I'm afraid of. Straight up, and in about a million pieces. Yeah, wait-- Wait a second now. I'll check underneath it first.
    
    STARSKY: See anything?
    
    HUTCH: No. Nothing. Easy. Ooh! Okay. Easy.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - State of CA Employment Office**
    
    STARSKY: Neatness, originality, and, uh, happiness--
    
    GORE: Oh, that's the spirit. Uh, we'll be with you in just a minute.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you. Oh, he's unusually neat.
    
    GORE: Oh, that's an unusual quality these days.
    
    HUTCH: Plan to take another woman to lunch.
    
    GORE: All finished?
    
    STARSKY: Hm?
    
    HUTCH: Uhhh... You bet. You bet.
    
    GORE: Thank you. It'll be just a minute.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you.
    
    STARSKY: Well, how'd you do?
    
    HUTCH: What do you mean, how did I do?
    
    STARSKY: How'd you do?
    
    HUTCH: It's an aptitude test, not an IQ test.
    
    STARSKY: So how did you answer the one about the animals?
    
    HUTCH: Which one?
    
    STARSKY: If you were a farmer, which one would you be more likely to raise? A cow, goat?
    
    GORE: This is Miss Evers.
    
    HUTCH: Sorry about that.
    
    EVERS: Yes, uh... Now, then, Mr. Hutchinson.
    
    HUTCH: Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am.
    
    EVERS: Nice to meet you. And, uh, Mr. Starsky?
    
    STARSKY: Oh! I'm sorry about that.
    
    EVERS: Uh-huh. Okay, um... Mr. Gore, why don't you take this one?
    
    GORE: Uh, Mr. Starsky.
    
    MISS EVERS: Uh, David.
    
    GORE: Oh, David Starsky. Would you come this way, please?
    
    STARSKY: Yes, yes.
    
    EVERS: And Mr. Hutchinson, would you follow me, please?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, by all means.
    
    SECRETARY: What are you doing? No! What are-- What! You get-- Ahh! Oh, my Go-- Oh!
    
    STARSKY: Not to worry.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Mexican Restaurant**
    
    HUTCH: So, what do we do for the rest of the day, huh?
    
    STARSKY: When's the last time you went to a matinee?
    
    HUTCH: Matinee?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: You mean the movies?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Think about it a second. Going to a movie in the afternoon. What's that mean to you? Debonair, carefree.
    
    STARSKY: What's that?
    
    HUTCH: It's just an ad I saw in the paper.
    
    STARSKY: What's it say?
    
    HUTCH: "Young men wanted between the ages of 21 and 36. Exciting opportunity. Must be physically fit. Part-time okay."
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm.
    
    HUTCH: "Salary commensurate with ability." That sounds pretty good to me. I think we oughta check that one out, huh?
    
    STARSKY: You got it. One condition.
    
    HUTCH: What's that?
    
    STARSKY: Go to a matinee at least once this week, huh?
    
    HUTCH: Alone?
    
    STARSKY: Hey.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Mexican Restaurant**
    
    HUTCH: Gone are the days.
    
    STARSKY: Hey! Hold it. Don't move.
    
    HUTCH: Huh. You were saying?
    
    STARSKY: You mean about the good old days?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Well, poetry was never my strong suit. You know something, fella?
    
    HUTCH: You oughta watch where you're going.
    
    STARSKY: You can put your hands down now. Can you believe that?
    
    HUTCH: Well, what are you gonna do, Starsk, write him a ticket?
    
    STARSKY: Very funny. Come on, give me a hand.
    
    HUTCH: Huh?
    
    STARSKY: Give me a hand. Come on.
    
    HUTCH: Where you wanna take it?
    
    STARSKY: That way.
    
    MAY: Hey! What are you doing? Why are you pushing my car?
    
    STARSKY: Uh, excuse me, miss, but, uh, the way I see it, I only had two choices. Either push your car out of the way or roll over it. Which would you prefer?
    
    MAY: Oh. This is your car?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    MAY: Oh. Gee, I'm-- I'm really sorry. I just saw you pushing my car--
    
    STARSKY: And you thought we were gonna steal it, huh?
    
    MAY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: No, ma'am, we have one of our own. As a matter of fact, we have two. I-- I have my own car. As a matter of fact, I bought it yesterday.
    
    MAY: Really?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Very pretty little car. I call her Belle.
    
    MAY: Aw, that's nice.
    
    STARSKY: You wouldn't think so if you saw it.
    
    HUTCH: Huh?
    
    MAY: Well, look, I really do apologize for parking in your way.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, no, no, no. Don't be silly.
    
    MAY: I knew I was only gonna be a minute, and there was absolutely no other space.
    
    STARSKY: Except in my heart.
    
    MAY: Pardon?
    
    HUTCH: Huh?
    
    STARSKY: Uh, nothing. Nothing.
    
    MAY: Well, I gotta be on my way.
    
    STARSKY: Okay.
    
    MAY: Sorry again.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: And don't-- don't mention it.
    
    MAY: Take care.
    
    STARSKY: Be careful driving now.
    
    MAY: I'm gonna be so careful.
    
    HUTCH: That is a beautiful red suit you have on.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. 
    
    MAY: Thank you. Thank you very much.
    
    STARSKY: Don't forget, now, you gotta release the hand brake.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, let me help you with the hand brake.
    
    STARSKY: There you go. Put it in gear.
    
    MAY: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: All right? Off you go.
    
    MAY: Okay, you guys.
    
    HUTCH: So glad-- So glad we didn't run that little thing over.
    
    MAY: Bye, guys.
    
    STARSKY: Bye-bye.
    
    HUTCH: Bye. Oh.
    
    MARTY: Pow, pow, pow, pow!
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Well, let's go, huh? So, what's on your mind now?
    
    STARSKY: Um... Ghosts.
    
    HUTCH: Ghosts?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, uh...ghosts.
    
    HUTCH: Ghosts.
    
    ALEX: If we'd ran them over at that café, we wouldn't be wasting our time here now.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Gunther's Mansion**
    
    BATES: There was a call from Blue Boy in Atlanta. His affiliate is asking for a higher monthly payment.
    
    GUNTHER: Then Blue Boy will have to remind the affiliate... of his options.
    
    BATES: In the matter of Starsky and Hutchinson, the two detectives who resigned from the police force when the McClellan case aborted, Soldier's beginning to think that the two men who've been watching them could be put to better use elsewhere.
    
    GUNTHER: Soldier isn't paid to think. I want the surveillance on the two detectives to continue.
    
    BATES: For how long?
     
    GUNTHER: For as long as they're still alive. And if they follow their present pattern, that may not be too long.
    
    
    Interior - Day - 
    
    BLAZE: (on phone) It's a new year, you know? (pause) Come on in! (on phone) It's a new year, baby. It's a new time. It's the Age of Aquarius. It's the Year of the Dog. Ho choi fat ming, right? (end) Hey, guys. Terrific. Hey, I mean terrific. Come on in. You guys look terrific. Call me Blaze. 
    
    HUTCH: Blaze. 
    
    BLAZE: You can call me Blaze. Terrific.
    
    STARSKY: Okay, Blaze.
    
    BLAZE: Hey, how'd you guys hear about this gig? Somebody told you about it? You read about it?
    
    HUTCH: Saw the ad.
    
    BLAZE: Hey, you can read. That's terrific. I need a little mirth. Without mirth, what are you? You're mirthless. You look like you're in shape. You really keep fit? Staying in the healthy kick? Me too, I believe in health. See this? Blue ions. Blue ions is the way to go. It's the only way to go. Tell me about your act. What are you, a double? What do you do?
    
    STARSKY: We, um, uh... We work together.
    
    HUTCH: We-- We're partners.
    
    BLAZE: I knew it! Sensational! I got it. You're acrobats, right? You do a little gymnastics? I mean, is that your thing? 
    
    STARSKY: Uh...
    
    HUTCH: Well, I-- I do a pretty good headstand.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, yeah.
    
    BLAZE: Right. Well, I've never seen that one. But let me-- Let me fill you in on how we're doing it. We're looking for a couple of guys like you. A couple of physical types. Strong, you know. A couple of stockers who are really clear-eyed. And who aren't afraid of being seen, you know what I mean?
    
    STARSKY: Oh, just...what kind of work does this entail?
    
    BLAZE: Well, you wanna call it work, it's called movie work.
    
    HUTCH: Oh. Oh, movie work. Well. You mean, uh, behind the camera, kind of technical?
    
    BLAZE: Technical? With you two guys, I'm talking about in front of the camera. Right? Super 8 twins.
    
    STARSKY: You mean acting? You mean, you-- you want us to be actors?
    
    BLAZE: You wanna call it acting, I suppose you can call it acting, why not?
    
    HUTCH: We really don't have any experience.
    
    GLAZE: Experience. Let me tell you about experience. All you need to do is what you do very well and enjoy most. Know what I'm saying? Look, what we need is-- Felicia, what? Felicia, I'm in the middle of an interview. What do you want? Felicia, what?
    
    FELICIA: Cigarettes.
    
    BLAZE: Cigarettes. You always want cigarettes. Know what these cigarettes are gonna do to your teeth? They're gonna make 'em yellow!
    
    FELICIA: Honey, they're not photographing my teeth.
    
    BLAZE: Getting warmer? Hm? What do you say? You're gonna catch cold.
    
    STARSKY: Uh, well.
    
    BLAZE: You're gonna catch cold, it's gonna cost me money. What do you say, guys, huh? Licentia, I told you a thousand times, if you sit like that, you're gonna aggravate your sinuses. What do you say, guys? Hundred bucks a day. Hundred bucks a day. I'll throw in the argyles. A little mirth. What do you say? Come on, guys, I mean. Doesn't come along every day.
    
    HUTCH: That's okay.
    
    BLAZE: A little sequins. I'll throw in a sequins mask. 
    
    HUTCH: Look, I think he needs a little more practice.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Practice makes perfect.
    
    BLAZE: How can you need practice with-- Hey, easy come, easy go. You wanna get central casting?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - The Pits**
    
    HUTCH: You ever notice how when you're unemployed, you eat more? Hm?
    
    STARSKY: No, I never noticed.
    
    HUGGY: I saw Mardean yesterday.
    
    STARSKY: How is she?
    
    HUGGY: How do you think?
    
    HUTCH: Come on, Huggy. What do you want us to say, huh? Would it help if we felt more guilty?
    
    HUGGY: Sorry.
    
    STARSKY: Forget it.
    
    HUGGY: She's a good lady. She lost her old man. Got a sweet kid. Just lost her father. And your buddy Judge McClellan just sits up there on that bench, holy as hell, in his black, fancy robes.
    
    HUTCH: You think we don't know that?
    
    HUGGY: I know you know it. I'm just sounding off, that's all. Who are you looking at like that? Did I miss something?
    
    HUTCH: Um, where are you going?
    
    STARSKY: Where do you think I'm going?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, well, um-- Maybe she's waiting for somebody. Maybe she's gonna meet someone here.
    
    HUGGY: Who?
    
    STARSKY: Is there a law against talking to a lady in a restaurant?
    
    HUTCH: Look, look, uh-- Why don't we just invite her to come over here and join us, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Okay.
    
    HUTCH: Ah, ah. Why you? Why not me?
    
    HUGGY: Well, why not me?
    
    STARSKY: I'm up.
    
    HUTCH: Well, why don't we just sit down for a second and discuss this, figure it out, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Okay.
    
    HUTCH: Now, look... I think we oughta close our eyes... and think of a number from one to 10.
    
    STARSKY: Then what?
    
    HUTCH: Well, then you tell me what the number is.
    
    STARSKY: And then?
    
    HUTCH: Well, let's just do it and, uh, see what happens.
    
    STARSKY: Okay. I've got a number. Hutch? The number is... seven. Hutch?
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Foster's House**
    
    HUTCH: Maybe we can, uh-- Maybe-- Oh!
    
    MAY: Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe we can do that-- Maybe we can do that again sometime, huh?
    
    MAY: Yeah. I would really, really like that.
    
    HUTCH: Well, uh, I'll take your number.
    
    STARSKY: I've got that. That's-- That's all right.
    
    MAY: Okay. Five- Five, five, five.
    
    STARSKY: Five, five, five.
    
    MAY: Four, nine.
    
    STARSKY: Hold still. Four, nine.
    
    MAY: Eight, nine.
    
    STARSKY: Eight, nine.
    
    HUTCH: Okay, I'll take that later, huh. Oh, yes, yes. Goodbye. For now, huh?
    
    MAY: Mm-hm. Goodbye.
    
    STARSKY: Bye-bye. Finders keepers.
    
    MARTY: Why do I get the feeling that we're wasting our time?
    
    ALEX: Do you got something better to do?
    
    MARTY: Well, nothing that pays.
    
    ALEX: I rest my case.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Brighton Coffee Shop**
    
    MAY: So did she ever get around to offering you the job?
    
    HUTCH: Well, sure, she did. It's just that I don't think I'm quite ready for, um, the passion of a woman or a man and his friend.
    
    MAY: Unbelievable.
    
    HUTCH: Um... Look, um... Are you-- Are you free tonight? Maybe we could, uh, you know, take in a-- a movie or something.
    
    MAY: Oh, gee, I already have plans tonight.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    MAY: Thing is, we both do.
    
    HUTCH: How's that?
    
    MAY: David called me this morning. He bought us tickets to a concert tonight.
    
    HUTCH: A what?
    
    MAY: A concert.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky?
    
    MAY: Yeah, the Boston Symphony. Brahms. What, don't you like Brahms?
    
    HUTCH: Well...
    
    MARTY: Hey, do you like Brahms?
    
    ALEX: I don't know. What race is he in?
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Foster's House**
    
    ALLISON: You're crazy!
    
    STARSKY: You got it again.
    
    HUTCH: Do something about that step.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Foster's House**
    
    MAY: Ted? I guess he's still playing poker. You guys have a seat, and I'll get some coffee, okay?
    
    HUTCH: Hurry back.
    
    MAY: I will.
    
    STARSKY: I'd like a little extra sugar, please.
    
    MAY: Okay.
    
    HUTCH: You had a little extra sugar.
    
    STARSKY: What did you think of the concert, huh? Brahms is a heck of a composer.
    
    HUTCH: That's the first time you've ever been interested in Brahms. The only thing you find attractive about Brahms is Allison.
    
    STARSKY: That's right. A very special girl.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, that's a very special girl with whom I'd like to spend a little time alone.
    
    STARSKY: I bet you would. She is, she's a very special girl.
    
    HUTCH: I know, you just can't describe it.
    
    STARSKY: That's right, I can't. Something about her.
    
    HUTCH: Hm.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: This is an album here.
    
    STARSKY: Will you please. Come on, come on.
    
    HUTCH: Look at that.
    
    STARSKY: Hm. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait-- Wait a sec. Wait-- Just wait a second, will you, please?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, let me help you with that, huh?
    
    MAY: Okay.
    
    HUTCH: Mm. Raisin?
    
    HUTCH: Sugar. Cream and sugar?
    
    MAY: Yeah, we got sugar. Right here.
    
    STARSKY: Laura?
    
    MAY: Hello, David.
    
    STARSKY: Huh. Laura? What? I don't understand. I don't understand. I mean, I-- Hutch, um... 
    
    HUTCH: Huh? 
    
    STARSKY: Hutch, this is Laura Anderson. Laura Anderson died in a car crash 21 years ago, when she was 11 years old.
    
    MAY: See, when I was six years old, I moved to a neighborhood in New York City, and David lived right next door to me. We were as close as sister and brother. He used to call my parents, Aunt Marian and Uncle Frank. 
    
    STARSKY: And for five years I-I-- I don't... 
    
    MAY: During one summer vacation my parents and I took a drive to New England.
    
    STARSKY: And you died in a car accident. I don't underst-- What happened?
    
    MAY: Dad worked as an accountant for a number of men who were involved in illegal activities around the country. And there was a federal investigation. My father was too deeply involved to get out, so when the FBI gave him the chance that he was looking for, he grabbed it. Then he told them everything. So in return, we became what is called "protected witnesses."
    
    STARSKY: So the accident was staged?
    
    MAY: The accident never happened. Then we moved to the West Coast. They told me that we were moving there because my father had a very secret job. We changed our names and we became Tom, Carol and Allison May. And my father still works as an accountant, but now it's, uh, for the government in one of their home-mortgage departments. And my mom died six years ago.
    
    HUTCH: Uh, let me ask you a question. Bumping into David... in the parking lot, that wasn't a coincidence, was it?
    
    MAY: No. I arranged it. You see, I-I... I read about the two of you in the McClellan case. You know, with the boy you were trying to protect. It wasn't hard to find you guys.
    
    STARSKY: Well, why did you wait so long before you made an explanation?
    
    MAY: I need help, David. Would you please try and understand that... we haven't seen each other in more than 20 years. I had to believe in you again.
    
    STARSKY: What kind of help?
    
    MAY: Someone's threatening my father. A lot of people were sent to prison 20 years ago when he told the FBI everything, and most of them are probably still alive. Every one of them would like to see my father dead.
    
    STARSKY: Well, does he make payments of some kind?
    
    MAY: No, it's nothing like that.
    
    HUTCH: What then?
    
    MAY: He's supplying someone with information that he gets from his office.
    
    STARSKY: Well, what kind of information?
    
    MAY: I don't know, but whatever it is, it's valuable to someone and... giving it away is killing my father.
    
    STARSKY: Well, did you tell the FBI?
    
    MAY: No.
    
    HUTCH: Why not?
    
    MAY: Because I'm afraid to. Because they're strangers to me. I don't know if I ever would've told anyone if I hadn't seen David's picture in the paper.
    
    STARSKY: Look, Al-- Laura. I-- I don't know what to call you. Allison. Allison. We're not cops anymore. We don't have the force with us anymore. I mean, we can't get bailed out. We can't be protected in any way. We--
    
    MAY: I know. I know that. And, um, I have no right at all to ask you guys for help. But I have. My father's in terrible trouble, David. He's in terrible trouble. And I can't help him. Maybe you and Hutch can.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - In the Torino**
    
    HUTCH: What do you make of these things?
    
    STARSKY: Well, each one's got an FHA loan. Every one of them is behind in their payments.
    
    HUTCH: What do you suppose the old man's doing delivering these?
    
    STARSKY: Got me. Have to wait and find out.
    
    HUTCH: Here he comes. Apparently her father has the same idea.
    
    FLOWER SELLER: Thank you, have a good day.
    
    TOM: Bye.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, if he was gonna make a drop, what's he doing buying flowers from a pretty girl?
    
    STARSKY: She's the drop.
    
    HUTCH: You won't get a ticket?
    
    SECURITY GUARD: Hey, look, we're par--
    
    STARSKY: All right, never mind.
    
    HUTCH: Back up. Hey, pal, I remember the day when I could park anywhere I wanted to.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Washington Square Tower**
    
    HUTCH: Uh-- Uh, hol-- Hold that.
    
    STARSKY: Don't tell me you lost her.
    
    HUTCH: Look, I wouldn't have lost her if you had parked the car where I told you to park.
    
    STARSKY: Where did she go?
    
    HUTCH: She went in and up.
    
    STARSKY: Where were you?
    
    HUTCH: I was ov--
    
    STARSKY: Perfect.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, look, it doesn't matter, really, anyway. Because whatever goes up, has got to come down. First law of physics. 
    
    STARSKY: Gravity.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    STARSKY: Excuse me, ma'am. Can we talk to you? 
    
    HUTCH: We have a couple questions for you.
    
    FLOWER GIRL: Wait a minute.
    
    STARSKY: Look, you delivered a manila envelope to an office upstairs. You mind telling us which one?
    
    FLOWER SELLER: No, I delivered flowers. Excuse me.
    
    HUTCH: You're a very pretty lady. You must make a good deal of money delivering flowers?
    
    FLOWER SELLER: No. I'm legitimately with Flower Power, Incorporated.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh. Who are you guys anyhow?
    
    HUTCH: Show her your badge, Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: Why don't you show her yours?
    
    FLOWER SELLER: Right. Uh, I be-- Excuse me.
    
    STARSKY: Excuse me. You're not paid to be a hero. Where was the drop?
    
    FLOWER SELLER: I delivered a bouquet of flowers to a man who'd-- who'd rather not have his identity known. He's probably married, if you know what I mean.
    
    HUTCH: He's not married.  I know the man.
    
    SECURITY GUARD: What seems to be the problem here?
    
    FLOWER SELLER: Oh, Officer, these men are--
    
    STARSKY: Uh, we're trying to find the best place in town to get a-a-a pastrami sandwich.
    
    HUTCH: These locals wouldn't know the difference between good pastrami and pizza.
    
    STARSKY: You don't think so, huh?
    
    HUTCH: No. So thanks very much. Right. No problem.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you. Be seeing you. Bye-bye.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Washington Square Tower**
    
    HUTCH: If you parked the car where I told you to park it.
    
    STARSKY: Stop mumbling. You'll hurt yourself.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Park**
    
    FOSTER: How are you today, Thomas?
    
    TOM: I have to be back to the office in 15 minutes. Just tell me what you want, Karen.
    
    FOSTER: You were followed this morning, Thomas. By two men. First they followed you and then they followed the flower girl.
    
    TOM: That's impossible.
    
    FOSTER: Young men. Both in their early 30s. Tall. One with light hair and the other, dark. But that really isn't the point, is it, Thomas? The point is, why did they follow you? And why did they follow her?
    
    TOM: I don't have any idea.
    
    FOSTER: I'm sure you don't. Which is why I haven't reported the incident to anyone other than you. And that's how it will remain, provided it doesn't happen again. Goodbye, Thomas. My love to Allison.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - May House**
    
    MAY: Hi, Daddy. How was your day?
    
    TOM: Same old grind, sweetie. How about you?
    
    MAY: It was good. Do you know what? I have a surprise for you.
    
    TOM: Chinese food?
    
    MAY: No, it's much better than that. Come on into the den.
    
    STARSKY: Uncle Frank. Little Davey. David Starsky? 84th Street. Come on, don't tell me you forgot. It's only been 21 years.
    
    HUTCH: Hello. Ken Hutchinson, nice to meet you.
    
    TOM: Why did you follow me this morning?
    
    MAY: Dad?
    
    TOM: What are you doing in my house?
    
    MAY: I can explain it, Dad.
    
    TOM: Oh, you can explain it? You can explain why a man we haven't seen in 21 years and another man we've never seen before are in our house calling me by a name that was erased from the books more than two decades ago? You can explain that?
    
    MAY: Dad--
    
    TOM: I want them out. Do you understand that? Now.
    
    STARSKY: Uncle Frank--
    
    TOM: Look, I'm not your Uncle Frank.
    
    STARSKY: All right. Forget it. Mr. May, Allison asked us to help you.
    
    TOM: Allison had no right. The damage you've already done might be rectifiable.
    
    HUTCH: What damage?
    
    TOM: Just listen to me and say nothing. Look, I've protected my family for 21 years. Living every single day in fear of exposure. But I have protected them, and I will continue to do so my way, which means, without anyone's help. Now, for the last time get out of my house. Please.
    
    MAY: Dad.
    
    TOM: Not now, Allison. Not now.
    
    STARSKY: Okay. Goodbye... sir.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - In the Torino**
    
    HUTCH: The flower girl goes up, she comes down. I wonder if the guy she delivered that envelope to came down right after her.
    
    STARSKY: Maybe saw us with her?
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    STARSKY: Could've followed us after we left.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe.
    
    STARSKY: Could be watching the house.
    
    HUTCH: Could be.
    
    STARSKY: Might be following us right now.
    
    HUTCH: You wanna find out?
    
    STARSKY: Anything?
    
    HUTCH: You should try it again, huh. We got company, all right.
    
    (Car chase ensues.)
    
    STARSKY: Hey.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah?
    
    STARSKY: If we wanna find out who these guys are, why we trying to lose 'em?
    
    STARSKY: Beats the hell out of me.
    
    STARSKY: Hang on. Put on the red light.
    
    HUTCH: What red light?
    
    WALDHEIM: All right, FBI. Hold it.
    
    SMITHERS: Come on, move it, move it. Get outta here.
    
    WALDHEIM: Let's go. Come on.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - FBI Office**
    
    SMITHERS: You boys don't seem to understand something. There's a lot of water out there, and it's beginning to lap up around your ears.
    
    STARSKY: Funny, I don't feel wet. You?
    
    HUTCH: Dry as a desert.
    
    WALDHEIM: Oh, that's cute. That's real cute. All right. One more time. Even though I'm sure you guys believe that you know something that we don't... you don't. You got that? Thomas May is a gentleman who we know all about.
    
    STARSKY: Whom. Whom we know all about.
    
    SMITHERS: You boys are beginning to try my patience.
    
    HUTCH: Really? Try mine.
    
    WALDHEIM: Okay, okay, now, look, playtime is over. Just hear this. Back off. Do you understand that? Just back off. Thomas May's case is a federal matter and it's bigger than either one of you think it is. And the last thing that anyone wants or needs is a-- a couple of ex-cops playing private eyes in a case way out of their jurisdiction, their territory, their knowledge. 
    
    SMITHERS: Or intelligence.
    
    STARSKY: Are we excused?
    
    WALDHEIM: Excused?
    
    STARSKY: Hmm. 
    
    WALDHEIM: No, not hardly. But if you mean can you go, sure, you can go. Go on, beat it.
    
    HUTCH: Thanks. Well, wait a second. Um, how are we gonna get back to our car?
    
    WALDHEIM: Well, try your thumb.
    
    SMITHERS: There's a bus stop down the corner. 
    
    HUTCH: Gone are the days, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Well, not yet. Not just yet.
    
    WALDHEIM: You wanna close the door?
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - City Street**
    
    STARSKY: An adventure, it wasn't.
    
    HUTCH: Dear diary, today my friend and I went for a ride on a bus.
    
    HUTCH: Battery?
    
    STARSKY: Brand-new.
    
    HUTCH: Where's that bus?
    
    
    Interior - Night - 
    
    STARSKY: Double overhead cam, superchargers, chrome rocker cover, chrome air cleaners--
    
    O'REILLY: Have you reported this loss to your insurance company?
    
    STARSKY: Loss? 
    
    O'REILLY: Theft. Have you reported the theft?
    
    STARSKY: Give us a break with this formal inquiry.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk, let me.
    
    STARSKY: No, it's okay. That's all right.
    
    HUTCH: You're newly assigned here, aren't you? You see, my partner and I have been in this precinct for six years--
    
    STARSKY: Seven.
    
    HUTCH: Seven years--
    
    O'REILLY: And now you're not and I am. Was anything else missing?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, how about a great, big chunk of my will to live?
    
    O'REILLY: Did you attempt to move the vehicle after you discovered the loss?
    
    HUTCH: He tried that, lady, but the pedals wouldn't work.
    
    O'REILLY: Did the stolen property have any identifying marks?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, I told you. It's sport, it's stroked, blueprinted. It's a very special car.
    
    O'REILLY: That's not enough for a proper ID!
    
    STARSKY: Well, then, would it help to know that it answers to the name Rhoda?
    
    HUTCH: Rhonda?
    
    STARSKY: Betty Lou?
    
    O'REILLY: Tell that to your insurance agent, smart-mouth.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Starsky's Apartment**
    
    STARSKY: Homeowners all across the country, every one of them with an FHA loan and every one of them behind in their payments.
    
    HUTCH: Mm-hm. You know something?
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: A list like that'd be worth a lot to somebody in the money-lending business.
    
    STARSKY: It sure would be. A new list of names every month. A bunch of families that are in debt, looking for a way to get bailed out.
    
    HUTCH: How about another mortgage company?
    
    STARSKY: Huh?
    
    HUTCH: A salesman makes an approach with a really sweet deal. His company is gonna refinance John Doe's house with a new loan plus kick in a few extra bucks to sweeten the pot. Considering the man's position, is there any way he could refuse?
    
    STARSKY: Can't. Probably won't. Even if the interest rates go up a few points.
    
    HUTCH: Everything is fine and dandy until he's back into debt.
    
    STARSKY: Which he probably will.
    
    HUTCH: Then he finds out his new friendly mortgage company is not as sympathetic or patient as the FHA. 
    
    STARSKY: And it forecloses.
    
    HUTCH: And Mr. John Doe and his family are out on the street.
    
    STARSKY: And the mortgage company takes over the house.
    
    HUTCH: It's neat, legitimate and perfectly legal. You got a--
    
    STARSKY: Have a cookie.
    
    HUTCH: You want me to get the, uh-- 
    
    STARSKY: I'll get it. (on phone) Hello? Allison? Yeah. Yeah, well, we can be over there in 15 minutes. Yeah, s-sure. Okay, all right. Bye-bye. (end) 
    
    HUTCH: What's up?
    
    STARSKY: Trouble.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Parking Garage**
    
    HUTCH: Allison. You look like trouble. What happened?
    
    MAY: I didn't want Dad to know about our meeting.
    
    HUTCH: Well, just tell me what's going on.
    
    MAY: My father started talking about suicide tonight.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    MAY: It was right after you left. He said that if he were dead, then they wouldn't have any hold over him anymore. Or over me. He said it was only because of me, because of what they might do to me, that he ever got involved in this whole blackmail--
    
    STARSKY: Did he ever talk like this before?
    
    MAY: Never. And I'm frightened, David. I'm so afraid he's gonna do it.
    
    STARSKY: It's all right, it's all right. Come on, get in the car.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: Get down. Get down, get down. Look familiar?
    
    HUTCH: Nope. Get down!
    
    (Gunfire ensues.) 
    
    
    **Interior - Night - May House**
    
    HUTCH: I'll wait outside.
    
    STARSKY: Allison's gonna be fine. She's sleeping it off. Maybe you ought to do the same.
    
    TOM: I'll be staying awake till I can get some answers.
    
    STARSKY: It's gonna be a long night.
    
    STARSKY: We've had them before. We'll probably have them again.
    
    TOM: Both of you? Or just Allison?
    
    TOM: What's that supposed to mean?
    
    STARSKY: It means that the reason that Allison called us, the reason we got together, was to tell us that you'd threatened suicide.
    
    TOM: Look, I told you before, and I'll tell you again: what my daughter and I discuss is none of your business!
    
    STARSKY: Well, we're making it our business.
    
    TOM: By what right? My daughter's lucky to be alive. No thanks to you. 
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: How can two ex-police officers get themselves shot at and almost killed? And who is Allison May? And what were the three of you doing parked in a garage in the middle of the night?
    
    STARSKY: Captain, Allison May is a mutual friend, long-time friend. I just picked her up from her girlfriend's house, and we were on our way out for coffee.
    
    DOBEY: And that's it?
    
    HUTCH: Afraid so, captain. Look, whoever it was, that took a shot at us and why, we really don't know. Now, that's the truth.
    
    STARSKY: Captain. We can't start carrying guns without a permit. One word from you would expedite the paperwork. What do you say?
    
    DOBEY: What are you guys up to?
    
    HUTCH: Staying alive, Captain. 
    
    END (Part Two) 


End file.
